Concern grows over casualisation of university teaching - THES May 24 .

Good morning. Dons U Like.

Good morning. My name is Professor Lapping. University of Poppleton. We have a bit of a crisis. One of our staff has gone down with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following the RAE ratings and we have no one available to teach a compulsory course this term.

What level?

Level?

Academic level. We can offer a full professor at £200 an hour. Or you might fancy an emeritus. Slightly over the hill but guaranteed against serious speech and hearing defects. Only £150.

Really?

Then we have Readers at £125. Good value although a little bitter about not having a chair. Then there are your seniors at £100 or your bog standard lecturers at £75.

51³Ô¹Ï

I suppose we should have a senior.

Subject area?

The course is called the Political Economy of the Media. It's difficult to summarise the full range of the content but there's a particular focus on the manner in which the cultural industries manage the contradiction between mass production and innovation.

Mmmm. Media studies. There's been a bit of a rush in that area this week. We could offer a very bright chap from FE who specialises in satellite dish installation. Good clear voice. And he comes with an optional extension ladder.

51³Ô¹Ï

Does he know anything about the media?

All our dons are very flexible. We have one Reader in medieval stained glass who managed to knock up a second-year course on metallurgy in a fortnight.

Well, there's really no alternative.

Excellent. I'll get the forms in the post. One last pedagogic point. Will that be with ladder or without?